Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, September 17, 2003


HEAD FULL OF CONGESTION


THE bus in front had a yellow sticker in the rear window, which read: "Do Not Overtake Turning Vehicle." "Some people prefer to die at home among friends," said the funeral parlour advertisement underneath. Juxtaposed like that, I had to smile even though my head was clogged with a heavy cold and I was stuck in even heavier traffic trying to skirt around the city via Mile End. Is it just me or has Adelaide's traffic also become clogged lately? The urban traffic flow seems to be worsening, not improving. The more roads we build, the more cars will use them. Extra traffic always fill the gaps and the congestion becomes just as bad again. Even if the traffic lights are sequenced properly, which they rarely are, the flow lasts only until the next rail crossing, B-double truck or road crash. A fatal accident recently on Tapleys Hill Rd resulted in a 40 minute gridlock around the airport during which it was feared emergency vehicles could not gain access in the event of a plane crash. Gridlock is a great leveller: the rich have no advantage over the poor; the old can keep abreast of the young; and the hottest Lamborghini can go no faster than the oldest Corona. Speaking of which, do you know the scientific name for the common cold is the corona virus? Who would name a car after a cold? Different motorists respond differently to the shared experience of a traffic jam: some people sit with a distant smile on their faces; others are driven to road rage; and some of us frankly could not care less when we are unwell. I was feeling dizzy and sweaty although not much more than usual, and had been coughing phlegm although not nearly as much as if I had still been smoking. Why does the International Olympic Committee not ban smoking? After all, it affects performance and kills you. Stuck behind the bus, I was dosed up with enough IOC banned drugs to defy the cold symptoms, free to go about my business and to infect as many people as possible when I should have been home in bed. When illness occurs, I usually like to give my body a chance to cure itself first before resorting to drugs. Animals treat themselves so why not us? For example, cats and dogs eat grass if they have upset stomachs. How do they know to eat grass? Trial and error? Copying other animals? Are they born with inbuilt knowledge? Hmmm. In the case of a cold, however, there is no known cure and I rely heavily on Codral. Dragging myself out of bed this morning, resolving to lose weight before starting my summer get-fit program, I strained my shoulder doing up my trouser belt and then sneezed on my tie. The survival of the fittest plays no part in the treatment of colds.