Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, March 26, 2003


SIX REASONS NOT TO LIVE THE HIGH LIFE


WITH an uninterrupted view of Sydney _ unless you regard the Harbour Bridge as an interruption _ an old mate lives on the 22nd floor of an apartment block on the north shore, a couple of ferry stops from Circular Quay. He let me stay there when I was in Sydney for a couple of days recently and he was away on business in Melbourne. Generous to a fault. Living with that foreshore view, I had always imagined, I would often be at home but not to guests or visitors. Selfish to a fault. A dream fulfilled, my head in the clouds, my mood was buoyant crossing the Bridge in a taxi even though the day was typically clammy and the cabbie saw no need to turn on the air conditioner. Since most of the cabbies seem to be from Polynesia, they possibly do not notice the humidity. A friend from Adelaide, who works in Sydney, said it took him six to nine months before he acclimatised and stopped worrying about his body odour. Now he smells no different to everyone else in Sydney. Little did I care as I finally arrived at the apartment, eventually deciphered the security codes, and entered the living room with an entire wall of glass overlooking the Harbour. Frosted glass. But it was not frosted at all, just so dirty that the Bridge was only a murky shape as if viewed through a grey mist. Here was the first problem with living in a high-rise tower with no balconies - no window cleaning. I slid aside the glass door for a better look and was nearly sucked out of the place. Problem 2: wind shear. A notice next to the front door read: ``Important: To avoid breakages it is essential that all windows be securely closed and locked during high winds. Ensure all windows are closed on leaving the apartment.'' Calm days near the top of a high-rise tower must be as rare as an air conditioned taxi.
Problem 3, a sign which read: ``Garbage Chute. Food scraps must be wrapped in small parcels. The garbage chute cannot be used between 10.30pm and 7am.'' Problem 4: ``Please do not feed the birds. Dropped bread lumps litter the ground and attract rodents.'' But inside the kitchen window, my mate had placed a block of bird seed in a flower pot, upon which a pair of rainbow lorikeets stood to eat whenever the wind allowed the window to be opened. Simply gorgeous. Problem 5: ``Dress rules while in public areas or in the grounds. Singlets, vests and swimming costumes are not acceptable attire. Shoes, thongs or sandals are to be worn at all times. Shirts, tops, etc, are to be worn at all times. Pyjamas and dressing gowns are not acceptable.'' And on and on went all the rules. Added to which, even though the windows could rarely be opened, there was no air conditioning. If the wind blew and the sun was out at the same time, it was like being sealed inside a luxurious humidifier. Problem 6: Try booking a taxi. I saw it arrive way down there, going back and forth, looking-looking, but by the time I descended to earth, it had long gone. From now on, not wishing to get above myself, my feet will be planted firmly on the ground.