Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, March 5, 2003
MILT THE GILT'S GOLDEN MOUTH
SITTING across from me at T-Chow, my photographer mate Milt laughed out loud and at the back of his mouth flashed the unmistakeable glister of gold. To be known hereafter as Milt The Gilt, he said two new gold teeth had been installed earlier in the day, the first of many, he expected, to replace his own pre-fluoride pegs as they cracked and crumbled with age. Fair dinkum. The jewellery man Albert Bensimon, who was sitting around my side of the Lazy Susan, said that "fair dinkum'' - the most Australian of slang terms - actually came from the Chinese din, for real, and gum, for gold. He should know, no hoo-ha. Milt The Gilt said he had chosen gold teeth because ceramic crowns did not last long enough and the gold ones, at about $800 each or $300 after the health insurance rebate, would last him a lifetime. I hope he lives long enough to get his money's worth. But here is the bad news, Milt - your new teeth are not pure gold. By itself, gold is too soft for filling cavities and needs the addition of silver, palladium and cheaper metals such as copper or zinc to make the fillings more durable. Sorry to tarnish the occasion. An aside: People have always pooh-poohed the alchemist's dream of turning lead into gold on the basis that one element cannot be turned into another. Yet I once read that radioactive uranium - or was it plutonium? - decayed over hundreds of thousands of years to eventually become lead. Yes, one element created from another, which makes me think alchemy's holy grail still awaits discovery in someone's back shed. Digging around for other dross, I learned from the World Gold Council that dentistry used about 70 tonnes of gold annually, which was about a quarter of Australia's gold production and a lot of fillings. I also discovered that at least 15 per cent of gold consumption worldwide was recycled. That is, some part of Milt's teeth very likely comprised someone's wedding ring or a chunky chain from a hairy chest or even a contraceptive device. Albert said he knew a woman who once tried to pawn a gold IUD. I will stick with my mercury amalgams, thank you. As it happens, I cannot wear gold. A gold watch or jewellery makes my skin crack and blister after a while, so goodness knows what a gold tooth would do to my mouth. It is hard to explain why we are so incompatible, gold and me, since gold is a ``noble metal'' and cannot rust or be easily corroded even by strong acids. And yet I react badly against it. I can only assume I must be sensitive to that portion of gold that has been recycled from other people's mouths like Milt The Gilt's. Think of the allure of gold in human history, the obsession with its beauty, of the fortunes won and lost, the betrothals of love, the fevered gold rushes, the greed and theft, the people killed and the millions of dollars spent in pulling it from the earth ... and then think of Milt's mouth. Rather spoils the romance, does it not?
