Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, July 23, 2003
ETERNAL OPTIMISM HAS NO DEADLINE
NO DOUBT about it, the opportunity to write a regular newspaper column such as the one I have been doing for Messenger newspapers since 1993 is a rare treat. Ask anyone, and they will tell you how lucky I am, especially those who disagree with me and would like to see me punished for being contrary. Being the Messenger editor possibly helped to get me the gig although, let it be noted, I have never received an extra payment for the additional worry. The editor is a hard man. I never set out to be the Messenger columnist; the legendary Des Colquhoun was doing a fine job at the time he went on a South African safari for a month in September, 1993. At a pinch, I filled in and the first column I wrote is also reprinted first in this selection, as well as the follow-up one, which pretty much wrote itself. One less column to worry about, I thought at the time. Colquhoun returned in late October and continued writing his column until the end of the year. Then he announced his retirement, somewhat prematurely if you ask me. At the start of '94, I wrote a column thanking Colquhoun for his contribution, also reprinted here, while casting around for a replacement. I am still here, for good or ill. In the early days, panicking, I remember having 14 columns up my sleeve at one stage in case I suffered writer's block. Now, I pretty much write as I go along but the panic is always there looking over my shoulder. One thing the discipline of journalism teaches you is that when faced with a looming deadline and not a thought in your head, just sit there until something comes. Not the best thing for high blood pressure, however. Some columns were dashed off quickly; others were agonised over; on average, though, each one took about three hours from the first thought on a blank screen to completion. For those of us who learned to type on paper, I love the way computers are so forgiving in letting you constantly change your mind, and can still keep up. Yes, computers are wonderful but notebooks are better. I carry one with me at all times and my friends have learned to be cautious in its presence. I have a pen and I know how to use it.
It took some convincing by Michael Bollen, of Wakefield Press, to make me bring together this selection in book form. I have always thought newspaper columns were intended to be read in their particular time and place, as dust on the wind, not to be contemplated many years later. My first thought was to stick in just the pieces that had Adelaide as a theme; then I thought, well, some people liked The Duke years; others liked to read about my failing health; or the soft little parables; or the edgy social commentary; and almost everyone seemed to like seeing me embarrass myself. What the hell, you never can tell with readers. Like Colquhoun, the day is coming when I, too, will be pensioned off and replaced by someone else. Did I say that or did I just think it? My work here is not quite done yet.
