Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, December 4, 2002


HEARTFELT THOUGHTS ON TECHNOLOGY


HEART pacemakers have an electronic switch whose ability to control the heartbeat can be affected by a magnet held too close. Fridge magnets must be a considerable worry. I know of someone who tried to commit suicide by taking a drug overdose except his pacemaker kept zapping life back into him until he was eventually found and taken to hospital to have his stomach pumped. Honestly. The point is, like it or not, we are all slaves to technology. As humans, I think we are much the same people as our ancestors of, say, 3000 years ago in our moods, thoughts and feelings. What has made a difference in our lives, however, is the change in available technology - from using a stylus on clay tablets, for example, to operating an Excel spreadsheet, not that it makes any difference to the bottom line. I once knew someone who was so preoccupied by medical technology that he became an unwelcome presence at the hospital beds of friends, and was once ejected from an intensive care unit for fiddling with the dials on a patient's heart monitor. He eventually died of a heart attack himself, which I guess was some sort of justice. At another level, when my son still lived at home as a teenager, the best way to get him moving in the morning was to carry the TV out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. He would follow. Although I use a computer every day - there is one here at my fingertips - I have a nostalgic affection for low technology. I like the feel of ordinary ballpoint pens; I much prefer paper towels to hand blowers; and I like the fact that footy scoreboards at suburban ovals are still changed by hand. Yet, I find myself being drawn to the new technology around me. I have even come to terms with my mobile phone whenever I remember to switch it on. When computers were first introduced in newpaper offices, some people went to extraordinary lengths to delay being trained or to avoid using them altogether. Anxiety levels soared and RSI - repetitive strain injury - was endemic. Now, were computers or email access to be withdrawn from the workplace, bedlam would ensue. No, ``technophobia'' is no longer the problem - instead it is spending increasing amounts of our lives plugged into the cyberworld. Psychologists have identified www.addicts who prefer the on-line world to the "real world'', who find personal fulfilment and satisfaction without ever leaving the safety of their screens. Their mental and physical health inevitably declines and, in an attempt to get them out more, a US counselling service has even been established ... on-line, of course. As with all things in life, the trick with technology is to find a balance between its pluses and minuses. After a couple of English schoolgirls were abducted and killed earlier this year, panicked parents wanted to insert microchips in their daughters to keep track of them all the time - as if growing up was already not hard enough. Technology can also bypass people's brains for their hearts.

Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, November 27, 2002

HIT'N'MISS RULES IN WINDFALL GAME


FEELING brand new this morning with the sun out, I checked again to see if any unclaimed money had been left in my name with the Australian Securities and Investments Commission. Still nothing. ASIC recently sent out a newsletter offering $200 million from forgotten bank accounts, insurance policies and company share sales - all waiting to be returned to its rightful owner. ``And you could be one of them,'' it said. Apparently all this unclaimed loot is transferred to the Commonwealth after seven years. All I had to do was logon to the ASIC consumer website at www.fido.asic.gov.au and, bingo, the money was mine, all mine. I was feeling light-headed from the anticipation. But nothing turned up. Yet my money has to be there somewhere because I sure as hell don't have it with me any more. I cannot understand how the bank could have lost track of it. I typed in ``Des Ryan'' and clicked on the ASIC search. It returned ``O hits - Have your read Search Tips?'' Well, no, I hadn't. I went to Search Tips and it told me to type in my surname, or my surname and first name in any order, or my surname and initial in any order. ``You should try all 3 methods!'' it urged, as if this were a game of gambling options. So I tried all three methods. Absolutely useless. Perhaps I was typing in the wrong name. Ryan may not be my name at all. Or someone may have left me lots of loot under an alias. It happens in the movies. I went to the ASIC Advanced Name Search, which offered a ``fuzzy'' search of all the names that were similar in sound or spelling to mine, or the one I used to think was mine. ``O hits'' again. Hmm. I noted this time that ASIC had included a disclaimer saying it did not guarantee the ``quality or consistency'' of the data, as the information was being supplied by the various financial institutions. A cunning plot - those accursed banks again. I figured that your chances of winning would be improved if you were dead. I took a punt on my father's name. Zip again. Sorry, dad. I typed in Malcolm Fraser - nil; Bob Hawke - nil; Paul Keating - nil; Rob Kerin - nil; Pauline Hanson - nil; Natasha Stott-Despoja - nil; Simon Crean - nil. None of them is dead, of course, except in a political sense. Just as I was beginning to suspect the whole thing was a sham and the Federal Government had no intention of handing back any of the $200 million, I typed in John Howard and got ``14 hits''. Woah, Prime Minister! On further checking, while there were indeed 14 John Howards owed money, none of them unfortunately was PM John Winston Howard. ``Find your money, find it easily - and best of all, find it for free,'' ASIC's newsletter spruiked shamelessly. I don't much like games of chance and would rather just have my money back, no questions asked, if you don't mind.