Published Messenger Newspapers, Adelaide, October 23, 2002


NO DOG ON MY TUCKERBOX


A GOOD friend of mine brought his Staffordshire terrier Kauri to a lunch the other day in Gouger St, and then expected me to eat at an outside table to keep her company. I refused, of course. I always feel more comfortable eating inside than outside anyway, and the thought of sitting on the footpath and having a dog slobber over my leg through lunch was simply too much. Kauri had to be taken back home and my pal has not tried to bring her to lunch again. Our friendship continues. The other thing is that a Staffie is supposed to be one of those breeds which, rightly or wrongly, is associated with attacks on humans. Which means Kauri is possibly one brain snap away from eating someone, and I have no wish to be first. To be honest, though, she seems pretty harmless thanks to a gentle owner who treats her with tenderness and devotion. They really do love each other - ugh. Other dogs should be so lucky. In the Mall recently I saw a weedy feral being dragged along by a rottweiler on a leash, cutting a swathe through the frightened shoppers. He had no hope of keeping the dog under effective control if it really bolted. Scary. My rule of thumb in these matters is the more aggressive the dog, the more inadequate and insignificant the person, as if the dog acts as a personality substitute. Also, although the feral and the rottweiler looked nothing alike, a lot of people do resemble their dogs. Someone with a punishing face, for example, might own an English bull terrier - the notorious pig dog. Speaking of which, I was interested to see Princess Anne was charged recently with allowing her bull terrier to run loose through Windsor Great Park where it attacked an Asian couple and bit one on the leg. Are dog's racist? Do dogs stutter? It sounds like it. Do they mutter obscenities? Only those owned by the Royals. Now where were we? Ah, yes, since Princess Anne seems to have spent much of her life actively courting public disapproval, I was not surprised to see she owned such a beast as a pig dog. The attack led to predictable calls for bull terriers to be banned in the UK. Or, better still, to ban the Royals. Nothing I have read has convinced me that banning specific dog breeds has reduced dog attacks anywhere - not in the US, Canada, Britain or Germany. Breed alone is not a reliable indicator of potential attacks on humans. Take a closer look at the owners instead. For all that, I think all dogs should be microchipped to identify them and link them back to their owners. Why not? And anyone who calls their dog ``Killer'' should be automatically microchipped as well, and have their DNA taken and be made to wear a collar. That way, we can keep track of their movements and, should they turn vicious, their dog can be removed for safe keeping. I have had dogs in my life - a corgi, labrador, cocker spaniel and a fox terrier - and I liked them all well enough. I just did not wish to share my lunch table with them.